yesterday was an amazing day... i know fully that my words will not do it justice... but i'm going to attempt...
i planned to teach the first session of God's Heart for the Nations in my class yesterday because my books have not come in yet... which i was frustrated about... but then, as we talked about God's glory - what it means to glorify God with our lives, i watched some ideas click in the girls' eyes... when i asked them, "what does it mean to honor God with our bodies?" - they said, "i think it means being pure... dressing modestly... taking care of yourself..." - and the entire lesson became an opportunity to get real with them... it wasn't a spectacular lesson... we definitely ran out of time without even getting into a whole lot of stuff... but that clicking moment... that split second where they got it... stuff that we talked about wasn't just abstract God-stuff anymore... this translates to what i do everyday... it was very cool...
then i had a leadership team meeting after church, which i'm growing to love less and less everytime... we don't really get anything done... low point of the day, for sure...
i had convinced a couple of friends to go with me to a worship event in seattle... a few other friends from church were already going, but their car was full... so i convinced dave and beckie to go with me... and they were asking me what it was like and i couldn't really explain it... funny thing is, i still can't...
we had been in the church about 10 minutes, when i got a phone call... it was my friend micah... he said, "i'm watching you..." - he could see me through the doors... and that started the onslaught of people i knew... i know a lot of people... i don't think i realize how many people i know... and it was so encouraging to see people that i haven't seen in a long time... people who have been a part of my northwest journey, if only for a week or two - or a few days... i saw heather's mom... and it was comforting to talk to someone about her - someone who knows her and loves her and misses her, too... and i saw chris and meredith... their spare room has provided me with a haven in seattle... a point of refuge if i ever need it... they gave me a hard time about not coming to visit them lately... so i guess i'll have to plan another trip soon... i saw pastors of churches and friends from seminary, friends from camp... and it was cool... i talked with a lady that i knew - sometimes she drives me a little nuts... but she asked how stuff was going at the church and i told her about that morning - and that it was good and she looked at me and said, "that's your passion..." which is funny... for the last few months i've been wrestling with that question and feeling so inadequate in so many areas of my life because i didn't know the answer... and i definitely think that youth ministry is part of that... but it's really that clicking moment... that very well could be my passion... that split second when it connects... and it's no longer a bible story or an overused cliche, but it's
REAL... i want to be someone that is available to help them reach that point in their journey... cool... that half hour before the service started was encouraging... i thought it would be just as encouraging as the two hours that would follow... i was wrong...
the theme of the night was "how do you see worship?" and as we walked in, we were handed cut-outs of frames... and as the service started, they played interviews of different people... "how do you see worship?" - and it was a good intro for what was about to follow... we started to sing and there were hundreds of people in the auditorium... and even though i was singing loud, i couldn't really hear myself... everyone was singing... going to a small church, i miss out on that sometimes... if one or two people stop singing on sunday morning, it's obvious... not the case last night... i love that feeling... i like the corporate-ness of it... they were all singing praises to my Daddy, too...
the songs reflected themes of glory to God - i can't name all the songs we sang... not even if i tried... but i walked in a frustrated minister... someone who was so tired of going through the motions... not understanding my purpose, my mission, my passion... but continuing on because that's what i knew to do... unhappy and frustrated, but putting on a good front for the world - because that's what the world wants to see... the main speaker asked us to get honest with God... to think about the frame and get face-to-face with God and really examine who we were before God... the image that kept coming into my head was a little girl... but not just any little girl... a little girl full of life and possibilites... despite that life and those possibilities, the little girl was wearing a huge frown... the pout-y face that little girls do so well... and that i mastered in my early years... that little girl could have the world - so much ahead of her - but too focused on her own circumstances and not getting the toy (or whatever prize) that she wanted... so instead of focusing on the good, was unhappy and frustrated at not getting what she desperately desired...
last night for the first time in a long time i was able to drop some of those frustrations... to be able to say "God, i trust you... You have it all under control... maybe you don't want me to have that pink plastic necklace because you want me to go a little longer without them so that after i go through some of this, you'll give me the real thing... the strand of pearls without blemish..."
it is no secret that i've been frustrated in my singleness lately... and one of the most challenging and encouraging things that happened at ONE was that for 2 hours, i didn't think about singleness as a plague, but as a gift... my focus was shifted completely from my typical frustrations to one of blessing and joy... i even went there... i said it... "i would definitely be okay if God calls me to singleness..." and i meant it...
i was overwhelmed at the idea of God's glory filling the whole earth... it flowed into the ideas of not wanting to be silent... i have to tell the world... share the hope of Jesus Christ with those that don't know... the speaker talked about the woman at the well... as soon as he said John 4, i was thrilled... it's one of my favorite passages about Jesus' life... one of my favorite things about it was something that he talked about... the samaritans believed because of her testimony, but then once they encountered Jesus, they no longer believed just because of what she said, "but because we have heard Him ourselves. Now we know that He is indeed the Savior of the world." chills... yes, they believed because of who Jesus is... but what if she hadn't first been willing to share... my life has been radically changed by Jesus... i want to tell someone...
at one point, i found myself mouth open as wide as possible, grinning from ear to ear, singing as loud as i can - glory to God... i can't say it loud enough or too much... all praise, glory, honor, worship belong to Him alone...
a cool definition i heard was that truth is the reality behind all the appearances... after all of my "stuff" was stripped away, i saw what was deep in my heart... and i left feeling joyful... "i love you, too, God..."
the experienced fueled our discussion on the drive home... it was unusual... not that we don't talk about spiritual things usually, but not in that manner... it felt natural and normal to be able to share my heart... probably because it was in the right place...
someone was praying for me... i am not sure who it was, but it made a difference... my world looks a lot different today...
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